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  • decisions

    I'm not, by nature, a decisive person. At least about things that matter. And mainly, at this point in my life, is the decision of what to DO with the rest of it. "Jack of all trades, master of none" is a phrase that describes me well. There are so many things I'm interested in, but getting to the point where I learn what I want to know about any of them takes years of school, in many different directions. I can't afford the time or expense of that. I know I get bored easily, so I'm wary of what I get into because I don't want to grow bored with it. Which brings me to where I am right now, needing to decide what to do before my life passes me and I never have a chance to do any of it. I have so many things I want to accomplish, and they all take money and education. I can't pick just one, because then it will just be sullied by the fact that I can't accomplish the others. So I'm really at a crossroads, and there is no road less traveled. There are just wildlands with unexplored territory.


    I really do have a soundtrack for my life. But not in the conventional way. I enjoy a LOT of different bands and types of music, but the two things that pretty much all of them have in common are unique vocal styles and poignant lyrics. I’m a poet at heart, so the combination of saying something meaningful plus showcasing it in a way that adds more meaning through a musical medium makes my heart soar. Seriously, it really does. It helps me connect with the music in a way that transcends just a tune that you like. Music is something that can connect with people on many levels, whether it just makes you smile, or whether it hits on the exact emotion you were feeling, that you weren’t sure anyone else understood. I tend to listen to albums for weeks at a time, until I know every nuance of it and until I’ve worked out the feelings it strikes up in me. I have albums that I’ve owned since 8th grade that I still listen to and love, and I continually add more artists all the time. The thing that I love the most about music is that I can listen to one of the many albums I own, and that specific collection of songs brings back the exact memories and feelings of the time I listened to it the most. How amazing is that? Music is one of the most powerful tools we have on this earth. The right piece can be a pure example of unfettered emotion.


    I do my best thinking in my car. Which means I think a lot, because I'm in my car a lot. Recently, I was in said car, thinking, and came to the conclusion that my car is actually my home. It is the place that I feel the most comfortable. My apartment and my parent's house are definitely places I feel comfortable in, but there are always people around. My car is the one place I can sing at the top of my lungs and not feel self-conscious, or the one place I can sob to my heart's content without people crowding me or telling me to be quiet. It's a wonderful place to have and I am truly blessed to have it, for many reasons. You may be thinking to yourself at this point, "what about all the people around who can see into the car?" Well, I don't really care about them, because I don't really ever have to deal with them again. I mean, I care in general about their welfare, but I don't care about their opinion of me. But my neighbors in my apartment complex/house, and my family are all people I deal with on a somewhat daily basis. Make sense? So I just want to say that I am happy to have my trusty sidekick. And she is trusty. She's never broken down on me, ever, and I've had her since I was 16. Ergo, I am thankful.


    I noticed a scratch on my wrist earlier today. From my cat, of course, but it reminded me of the movie "Princess and the Goblin" for some reason (the girl in it gets a scratch on her wrist from a rose's thorn). It led me to thinking about how things are so different when we're children. I watch a Disney movie now, and they always let me down, because I have such a glowing memory of how I saw them as a child. Albeit, I was a very imaginative kid, and have become a somewhat cynical adult (something I'm not proud of), but I still have those memories. And I am happy I have them. Real life just sucks sometimes. Fantasy worlds are what I intend to spend the rest of my life using to escape from reality, whether I am writing them, reading them, or watching them. I just want to express my gratitude towards the things that taught us as children that life is ours for the taking, and we can do whatever we want. We may not have a fairy-tale ending, or mice or fairies to help us along the way, but we do have family and friends, and the opportunity to make our own path. And that is a wonderful thing to have. Stories keep us happy and hopeful. Without them, the world as we know it would not exist.


    So I'm hoping this whole blogging business will prove therapeutic for me. And poor you, you have to read it. I have a separate blog for my 'creative' ramblings, and almost never update it because I never write anything anymore. See kids, that's what lack of school and excess of work does to ya. Makes it so you don't even do the one thing you love. Stupid life. Anyway, that blog is called Fantastical Observations and I have no idea how you can get there. I bet there's a link on this page somewhere.

    I commit to writing in this blog whenever I remember to, because lack of things to say is most definitely not my problem. By making remembering my criteria, I probably won't write that often. Later today I am planning on writing a nice long, or not so long, post about my AWESOME costume for 2008. Complete with pictures! Yay! Halloween is my favorite holiday by far, just as autumn is my favorite season. All the smells, the crisp air, the excitement tangible. I LOVE it. So, look for that costume post later on!