sound of the anything

I can't do it. There are so many things I need to be doing at the moment (first and foremost studying for a midterm, which means catching up on a whole month of school in a couple days), and I am just not there. I don't want to. My brain is saying that it would rather sleep, would rather read (recreationally), would rather play with polymer clay. None of this packing my poor brain with loads of information thing. The fact that I am writing this attests to how difficult I am finding this to be. I have great intentions, but they aren't seeming to come to fruition. I also thought I should probably write here before September is officially over. I no longer have my job at the U of U hospital, which is sad, but acceptable. I've been keeping busy working at Hale, but that's over when October is, so I'll be in dire straights soon enough. This gloomy, rainy day (which, don't get me wrong, I normally LOVE) is really bumming me out. Life can really get you down sometimes, ya know?

I made a commitment to myself to blog at least once a month. And I've failed. Oh well, it's not like my blogging is for anyone's benefit but my own. I'm currently at work. Yes, 1am on a Friday night/Saturday morning (either or) and I'm at work. I'm okay working overnight, but I really dislike how I can't stay out with friends till all hours. Crap summer. HOWEVER, I did get called for a 2nd interview for a Pharmacy Tech position at the University of Utah Hospital inpatient pharmacy, so maybe I won't have to be at this hotel much longer! I am really hoping and praying for that job. My interview is next Tuesday, so we'll see how it goes!

*caffeine break*

Well, I turned 23 a few weeks ago. It made me feel old, and even worse since I don't have much to show for the years I've been out of High School. I mean, I'm still a Freshman in college, and I'm living with my parents again. Kind of depressing. What can I do but progress? So for my birthday Katie and I threw a weenie roast in her parent's backyard. It was a lovely night, excepting the rain, and about 20-25 people showed and we sat a chatted for about 7 hours. It was fabulously relaxing and I am so grateful to my friends for celebrating with me. I am also very pleased I was able to hit up Lake Powell with some friends a couple weeks back. I had a wonderful time enjoying nature and meeting new people. It was lovely.

My parents have been planning a cruise for their 25th anniversary for about a year now. The left last Sunday, and are coming back this Sunday. From what I have heard from them, they are having a wonderful time, and they absolutely deserve it. The fact that they are gone also means that I'm left with the caring for my brother and sister the whole week. It's been a really interesting experience, mostly owing to the fact that we haven't fought. AT ALL. This is very unusual. I am beginning to think that our parents are the cause of us fighting. It's kind of strange to think about.

Lately I've been spending several hours a day doing research for the novel I've been trying to write for the past couple years. I'm basically trying to shove the whole of history into my brain. I'm not sure how well it's working, but it's essential for the background of my book. I'm also trying to get familiar with genetic engineering and where it could be (plausibly) in 50-100 years, as well as brainwashing techniques. This idea hit me out of nowhere, and while the research is seemingly never-ending, I really think learning all this stuff will be a fabulous thing for me. I get more excited every time I think about it, even if it's just research. I'm not in school this summer, so I've dedicated most of my free time to research and getting through the Rosetta Stone Spanish program, since I failed my class last semester. Linguistics has given me a whole new perspective on languages, however, it isn't very practical. I think too objectively, so I understand the rules and the conjugation and all that, and I can read it fairly well, but I just can't seem to speak it coherently. It takes me about 3 steps to get to the word I need. So it's pretty frustrating for me, but I'm going to continue working on it, because learning a language (or several) is a major goal I have for my life. Unfortunately, if I get this job I'm interviewing for, I'll have much less time. I will, however, have the money I need to pay off debts (another major goal). So, we'll see how everything goes.

Gosh, I could go on for hours, since I actually have a couple left to kill, but I'll just talk a little bit about my book group. It is kind of struggling, but short of watching over the members, hawk-eyed, I can't do much to keep them interested other than nag them a bit and rave about each month's book. It's tough for people our age to actively participate in something like this, since we all have jobs and school and social lives (well, most of us). This month is Life of Pi, next month is Little Brother, and then August is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which (for some reason) I have a feeling will end up with a good turn-out. The group's website is here: http://notyourmommasbookgroup.blogspot.com/ if you know anyone interested in joining up!

I really do intend to write more, since in typing this I've realized how much I can miss in a couple months. I always have something to say (anyone who knows me can tell you that), it's just a matter of sitting down and typing it, and it takes something like forgetting headphones at work so I can't watch movies to make me. Alas, such is my life. Thanks for reading, if you got this far. Kudos to you.

I think I've mentioned before how much of an indecisive person I am. This is very difficult for me, as I often feel lost in the maze of pathways my life could potentially take. Problem with that, is I just stand there in that maze and I accomplish NOTHING. Let me make this a little more clear, at least in regard to one subject. My future. I have SO many things I would love to do with my life. The issue I have is that they all lay in very different directions. I know I need to pick a career that I can make some decent money in, because as of now, I'm not really planning on getting married for a very long time, if at all. Currently, I'm majoring in Linguistics, with a minor in Creative Writing and Anthropology. You can see right there that I can't decide. And I don't know how well I will fare monetarily with any of those. I've dreamed of owning my own business, of being a location scout, of being a make-up artist, of being a dolphin trainer, of being a journalist, of being a linguistic anthropologist, and several other vocations. It's pretty obvious that I get bored easily and have a short attention span. This runs in all aspects of my life. I do well with a guy for, oh, a month or so, and then lose interest. I do well in my new semester of classes, and then halfway through I lose interest. I start a new job, and lose interest. The only thing that I can clearly see myself doing is being a writer. It has been the only thing that I have continuously dreamed of, and that opens me up to doing something different all the time, which is exactly what I need. But you all know that many authors don't do very well. I don't say this because I want to sell books. I only want to make money from them to support my habit of writing. The thing that I want overall from my life is to be able to make a mark. To contribute something that could affect someone emotionally and philosophically. I want to leave something here that is solid, since life itself is so ephemeral. So I will write, as I always have. But as of this moment, I am working toward my BA in Linguistics. I still feel a little shaky about my future, since it seems like a big blank wall that I am headed straight toward, but I guess it's better to live in the now and actually be DOING something. I'm excited for my classes next semester, as one of them is a creative writing class, so my writing blog will be getting some new stuff. I hope you get the chance to read it sometime.

Many of you know that I adore books. If you don't, you do now. Honestly, I shouldn't really have time to read, considering all that is going on in my life, but I tend to bend and sacrifice to have time to read. I've decided to put up a thing on the side of this that says what I am currently reading, because I know you are SO interested, but I also wanted to talk about one of my favorite authors. Currently I am reading two of his books, and am so excited every time I pick one up. I keep trying to read slowly and savor them; I never want them to end. They are Neil Gaiman's "The Graveyard Book" and "Fragile Things".


First up - "The Graveyard Book". This is a collaboration of Neil Gaiman's literary genius and Dave McKean's stellar, amazing illustrations. If you've read any of the Sandman graphic novels, or have seen the movie "Mirrormask", you have had the privilege of seeing their work. This book is written for the younger generation, but is so wonderful that I think everyone should read it. It was recently recognised with a Newberry Medal, which, as you know, is the highest honor a children's book can receive. I am about halfway through, and the illustrations and characters are so rich and intriguing that I can't help but express how much I love it to all of you. I also want to mention the new movie "Coraline", which I absolutely loved. The original book was written by Neil Gaiman several years back, and it's quite good, as is the movie. I hope to high heaven that they make a movie of "The Graveyard Book". Here's the Amazon link to it (LINK), and you can click the picture on the right for a better view of the gorgeous cover.


Secondly - "Fragile Things". I haven't even started this book yet. I bought it right after Christmas, and have been waiting for the perfect time to read it. This book is a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman. Many of them have won awards. I have recently become a huge fan of short stories, thanks to Ray Bradbury (that is all for another blog, however). Today, I read the introduction to "Fragile Things", which is several pages long, and talks about each story/poem, and how they came to be in this compilation, and the author's opinion/view of the story and its origins. I can already tell it's going to be amazing, and have butterflies in my tummy just thinking about it. Ditto with Amazon (LINK) and larger picture.


Here's a list of my favorite authors/poets, in no particular order:

-Sharon Shinn
-Ray Bradbury
-Juliet Marillier
-Neil Gaiman
-Jennifer Fallon
-Gregory Maguire
-Walt Whitman
-Sara Douglass
-Billy Collins
-Patrick Rothfuss


Any if the books or poems these folks have written, I love, completely and absolutely. I highly recommend them. I also always have book recommendations, so let me know if you'd like some.

I haven't posted in a while, but as I sit here in the computer lab at school, I realize that I really do have some things to talk about. It's a new year, as you all know (if you don't, you should get your medication checked), and the new year brings new things for all of us. First and foremost for me is a new semester. I haven't gone to school actively in quite a while, and I'm really not a fan of school, but lately it's hit me that I REALLY need to get back into it and get a start into the rest of my life. Open some doors for myself. So, here I am. This semester I'm taking Spanish 1010, which I'm enthused about (not because of the class, but more because I've been wanting to learn a language for a LONG time), Writing 2010, which I really don't like much because it's too general, Film 2200, which I'm finding very interesting (and it's only once a week!) and Linguistics somethingorother, which I absolutely love! I am seriously thinking about doing a double major because I love it so much. I've been thinking about getting into the field of Linguistic Anthropology. It incorporates so many of the things I love so much, so I can't really go wrong there! So school is something new. I've also been out of a job for a while, which has been really frustrating for many reasons. Well, with the new year, I've been afforded several new, lovely opportunities. I have a data entry position at the Post Office, but as soon as I got that job I was called to interview for a job at The Huntsman Cancer Institute as an infusion pharmacy tech, which basically means making chemotherapy ivs every day. I am very interested in getting that position, and interviewed for it yesterday. It's such an amazing place and I really hope I get the opportunity to participate in the differences they make in people's lives. On a less positive note, my laptop decided to go ballistic on me, just a few days before school started. It's pretty frustrating, because I can't figure out what the heck is going on. I'll also likely lose a lot of files that I'd REALLY like to keep, and foremost among those is an excel spreadsheet I have been keeping for the last 2 years of all the books I've read. It's pretty important to me. Super lame, but true! So if you are expert at recovering files, talk to me! Please! Let's see...what else is new? Oh, I moved back home a couple of months ago, mostly so I could actually afford to go back to school. It's been an interesting experience so far, and it's a little difficult since I've lived alone for the past year and a half, and then all of a sudden am living with 4 other people. I'm not a fan of chaos, but it's what I'm living at the moment. Hmm...I can't think of much else, but I thought I'd update on my life a little, for those of you that actually care! Thanks for reading!

What would you do if someone came to you with a crazy, fantastic story of something that had happened to them? Something far-fetched, that may go against your idea of reality, but they are absolutely serious and sincere? Would you believe them? I just recently (a couple nights ago) started reading a book called "The Book of Lost Things" (thank you for the recommendation, Allison) by John Connolly. It is wonderful. I am enjoying how the author embraces the love of books he has and gives it life. So far (I am only maybe a fourth of the way in) the gist of the story is this. There is a 12-year-old boy in England in 1939. His mother has very recently died, and the thing the boy shared the most and remembers the most about her are books and stories. He got his love of them from her. His father moves on eventually, taking a new wife and they have a new child, and the boy feels very isolated. He also is experiencing blackouts that have no explanation. But instead of actually blacking out, he wakes up with the memory of something a crazy, crooked old man, or a castle, or a forest glade. Glimpses of another world. Eventually, the boy in this book experiences something a shift to another world, a world that really should only exist in books. The reason he decides to go forward, into this world, and not straight back home is because he knows his father would never believe him without physical proof. So he goes off into what I'm sure are life-endangering adventures, all because the person that matters the most to him back home wouldn't believe him. So back to my original questions. Would you really believe someone who told you something that questioned your perception of reality? I know that for me this is probably just something that I would LIKE to happen, because I'm not actually a fan of reality. I FAR prefer alternate realities, in which many things can happen that will never happen in my life, which is a very large reason I love books so much. But I have met people in my life who have told me of experiences they have had, and though I haven't had them myself (which I am glad of, because I would likely be an absolute mess. Well, more of a mess than I already am) I truly do believe they happened. Because I trust the people telling me. There are scary and wonderful things out there, happening in OUR world, that most of us completely reject or won't allow ourselves to see or believe in. Maybe we should try harder. It's scary, yes, but we can't use our reality as a security blanket. We should be experiencing ALL the world has to offer. I know this is something that I need to work on, rather than gleaning it all from my books. Books have been a blessing and a curse for me. I love them because everything is straightforward. You know exactly what the people in them are thinking and feeling, and that makes it harder for me to relate to people in real life. I often have no idea what is going on with them, and it drives me crazy. So I just go back to books. But I truly do learn so much from them, because the person who wrote them is imparting something they know and believe and love to the reader, in turn teaching and bettering that person. There are definitely pros and cons to books, but they truly do teach you to perceive the world in a completely different manner.

I was reading scripture the other night, and the thing that was crossing my mind the whole time I was reading (and that I've thought about many other times before while reading scripture), was how absolutely violent ancient times were. Violence is something that I am vehemently against. I don't think there should be any need for wars, holy or not, and because of that, I do not support the war there currently is or ever was. Now, don't think me unpatriotic. I love my country (usually) and all the freedoms it affords me. And I am very grateful to those who fought and lost their lives for my freedom. The thing that I abhor is the fact that we ever NEEDED a war to get that freedom. Contention is of the devil, correct? So why, oh why, is the majority of scripture WAR?! It's what makes reading the scriptures the most difficult for me. I understand the concepts; fighting for what you believe in and what is right and good. And I also understand that they fought so that we could have the scripture that we do today. But I have a difficult time reading about it. I am a person who avoids confrontation at all costs, which is both good and bad. It means that I am very guarded with my feelings, because I get hurt easily, and feel very deeply. It also means that fighting and competition are things that I do not, nor will ever, understand. Pitting yourself against an opponent or enemy is something the world tends to focus on, which in my opinion is why sports are so popular. I'm not knocking sports (well, maybe a little), but people start to miss what the point should be - to better oneself physically and technically. It becomes all about the competition and proving you are better than someone else. I think this is a large reason that I prefer the arts. They focus on the individual, and on the skills themselves, the things that sports largely misses for the most part. So I don't get it. I don't like contests, I don't like competition, I don't like trying to prove that I am better than someone else. I want to prove to myself that I can be better than I currently am - for myself. No one else really factors in (except maybe God). So back to my anti-violence rant. I think the epitome of senseless violence is the Civil War (Katie, please don't hate me. I know it's your favorite era). Brothers fighting against brothers and people dying for someone else's opinion. They weren't fighting for their country, they were BOTH fighting for what they thought was the right thing. There are two sides to every war, and both think they are justified. And rationally, they are. So who is right, and who is good? The winner? I don't know that this is true. Just because the losers had less people, or fell into certain circumstances, doesn't mean they weren't correct in their belief. Because a belief is right, no matter what it is. It is something that matters to that person, specifically, and that is what's true and good. But not worth shedding another's blood over. I don't believe that anything is worth that. Because what does it achieve in the end? A false sense of superiority and rightness? Crushing someone else's life force or belief should never be justified, especially through warfare. So what is up with this war crap? Love your brothers and sisters for who THEY are and what they stand for. No matter what race, religion, or class. Why is that so difficult?

Yes, this is a shameless plug for my other blog, which is a compilation of my poetry, short stories, and story beginnings. A while back I thought it would be a good idea to post all of my stuff in one place, in case my computer dies or something, and also so other people could read it and share their thoughts. Most of it was written for my creative writing class in high school, but a couple things are newer. Some are super lame, some are pretty good (in my opinion). So I'm inviting you to read and share with me what you think about them. I hope something in them strikes a chord with you; I love being able to share this piece of me with others. Happy reading! (At least, if you decide to.)

http://fantasticalobservations.blogspot.com/

Well it's here, and I'm remembering it. One of the best movies I have ever seen, with important messages, is V for Vendetta. Based on the events of Guy Fawkes' Gunpowder Plot, it is a fantastic, poignant film. I wanted to include a great quote from the movie to pay tribute to the memorable events of November 5th, 1605.


"Good evening, London. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, thereby those important events of the past usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the 5th, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night I sought to end that silence. Last night I destroyed the Old Bailey, to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot." - V, broadcasting to the people of London over the television

Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guy_Fawkes or http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0434409/ for more info!

I love theatre. This fact was reaffirmed last night when we went to the midnight showing of Nosferatu at UVU. We got to the theatre, dressed in our fantastic costumes (I walked in to whispers of "that's Carmen Sandiego" and a lot of blatant stares. It was great), and sat down. I really wasn't sure what to expect, but I noticed that the stage was set up like a movie set (sort of), with lights and different scenes set all over the stage, and a large white projector screen above the stage. Which intrigued me. The play started, and I quickly caught on to the fact that we were going to be watching what the camera operators and techs (which were also present on stage) filmed right in front of us. They basically took the 1922 silent, black and white movie, and showed it on the screen, while substituting, oh, maybe 75% of it with scenes they shot in real-time on the stage. No words were said the entire play, except for by techs calling the cues when they paused for words to be shown on the screen (silent film) and to start, stop, and change scenes. It truly was phenomenal, and it was so interesting to see the correlation between stage and screen, and how different the two really are. I'd never seen anything quite like it before, but I certainly hope to again. Mixed-media productions definitely have a promising future in today's theatre world.


The other most life-changing performance I have ever seen was Macbeth, during the fall season of the Shakespearean Festival in Cedar City, a few years ago (2004, I believe). It wasn't the acting that blew me away, though it was extraordinary as well. It was the set design, and what they decided to do with it. The stage was set up as the front hall of a castle, or manor, or whatever, with (from left to right): the large front door with a stained glass window above it, a staircase opening into a doorway, a very large tapestry, and another doorway at ground level. The performers were amazing (of course, since it was the Shakespearean Festival), and when Macbeth decides to kill King Duncan, and goes up the stairs and through the doorway, they shine a red light behind the tapestry, so we're shown a jagged-bordered silhouette of a rickety stairway, with Macbeth creeping up it, holding a dagger erect. Wow. When Macbeth kills the King, a bell chimes, an owl hoots, and the stained glass window breaks. The play continues, and then when Banquo is killed, the bell chimes again, and the stage separates (flies apart, more like) essentially down the middle, about 6 or so feet. Later on, when Macduff's family is murdered, the stage separates another 10 feet, with another chime. Next, when Lady Macbeth is proclaimed dead, the bell chimes once again, and the set goes off stage completely, leaving only a set of stairs and the silhouette of a graveyard in the background. With that as the set, we finally see Macduff and Macbeth fight, and Macbeth fall. A fantastic play, and a fantastic way of presenting it. It was so creepy and wonderfully done.



And so, I love theatre. I love film as well, but for a few different reasons (cinematography being first and foremost). I've grown up around theatre, thanks to Tracy. When I was young, instead of playing cops and robbers, or cowboys and indians, or even fairy princesses, I was playing Romeo and Tybalt. That definitely says something about me. And I love that fact. So I hope to be involved in some form of theatre the rest of my life, whether it be behind-the-scenes, or just as a theatre-goer. I'm sure many of you appreciate the beauty of theatre as an art form as well.