sound of the anything

I loathe routine. It's something I've always consciously and unconsciously strayed away from. I have a difficult time doing the same thing over and over again, which is why I've had trouble staying interested in some of the jobs I've had in the past. A set routine sometimes seems like a prison sentence to me - I value freedom. Individual freedom. I'm very lucky, living in the country I do, and having the opportunities I do. I'm spoiled. However, it's because I live with the freedoms I do that I chafe at anything that restricts me from doing something I mentally/physically/spiritually should be able to. I like having the choice to do or do not, and I think it's a large part of why I've always wanted to be a writer, at least when I wasn't wanting to be a dolphin trainer or actor at the age of, like, 7. Writing allows so much freedom, possibly more than anything else ever could or will. Maybe virtual reality will catch up someday, but that's likely a long time off. So, writing and reading will continue to be an escape and a solace for me.

There are things we must do to continuously to stay alive and/or function in 'society'. Eat, sleep, drink, bathe, relieve ourselves of waste, etc. I see the value and the necessity. Then I look around and see people that do nearly the exact same thing every single day. They wake at exactly 'this' moment, eat at exactly 'this' time, work for exactly 'this' amount of time to 'this' amount of time, watch this TV show at 'this' exact time, and retire to bed at 'this' exact time. I respect that it makes days easier for some people, and pleases them to know what is going on when and being in control, but when you're stuck in a routine, how much control do you really have? You've given your life a structure, sure, but is it a cold, corporate building, or a magnificent rain forest? I'd say the former is likely. And, to be honest, pretty boring. Without variety in my life, I'd be miserable.

I'm sure many of you are quite similar, at least to some degree. Many of you probably also write, as well, so you understand the glorious and extraordinarily vast freedom you have when writing. But, it's a dangerous freedom as well, since reality loses a lot of its luster when one possesses an active imagination, most especially in times of war, poverty, violence, and prejudice. Routine can anchor us to reality, and that may be a large factor in my aversion to it. That's probably not healthy, but when you're trying to write, it's certainly a big, giant plus. So, my main point of this blog post is basically to declare to the world (or mostly just myself) that I completely abhor routine and will likely stay as far away from it as possible. Maybe I'm lazy (probably), maybe I just value spontaneity. Whatever the case, this is and will continue to be true.

[photo credit: http://www.slipperybrick.com/2008/11/cycle-life-watch-knows-your-routine-well/]

I've always felt that those who have privilege should make a concentrated effort to share what they have with those that go without. This desire made itself even more apparent after the earthquake in Haiti. Because forensic anthropologists play a large part in disaster relief and aftermath, my forensic anthropology professor felt it apt to show us before and after pictures of the conditions there, to emphasize the havoc that was wreaked. But what struck me the most was the before photos, of children drinking out of muddy puddles in the road. We easily have the means to help get others the clean water that we more than take for granted, so I want to be a part of the effort to make that happen. I hope you do, as well. This site is one of the best organizations I have found, and I want to actively be a part of it. So if you'd like to help, here's a link to the campaign I've started. The goal is $5,000, which is enough to fund a project that will give 250 clean water for the rest of their lives. The campaign ends in August, so if you're able to contribute, please do. If you aren't, which at the moment I realize many of us don't have the money to spare, please just share the campaign with others. I've made it for the whole of Salt Lake, but anyone is welcome to join in.


[photo credit: http://www.charitywater.org/media/banners/300x250_baby_bottle.jpg]

It's been a while since I have written anything on here, though I've been stockpiling topics that I want to write about. I just never seem to get around to it...

Money. It's what makes the world go round and is often the difference between life and death. I hate money. Not just because I am terrible with it (I'm an impulsive buyer) but because of all the problems and rifts it creates in everyone's lives. I almost wish we could go back to a bartering system, although if that were the case I would likely starve. This leads me to the fact one of the hardest concepts for me to grasp is employment. Now, now, hear me out. I understand that people have and hone specific skills, and in turn use those skills to provide for themselves and their families. This is not the part of the concept I have a rough time with. The part I can't get past is that the VAST majority of people in general aren't happy with their jobs. This comes down to:

Trading HOURS of your LIFE for MONEY.

That's what I have a hard time with. Every second you spend on something is a second you can't get back. Why would you spend millions of those priceless seconds on a job you dislike? But someone has to do these jobs, don't they? No. There's no need for a corporate CEO or a burger-flipper at a fast food chain. There's a significant rift between what we need and what we are told to want. What good is all of this doing us? None whatsoever. People survived just fine making their own bread and hoeing their own fields. Sometimes I get so tired of watching this endless set of problems we all create for ourselves, falling into potholes of greed and gluttony and lust. I know that sounds preachy, and I really don't like to judge, but it's true. It's what the pressures of our society have led us to. I makes me want to go all Thoreau.

So basically, it comes down to this for me - would I be willing to do this job for free? Do I enjoy what I am doing and respect the implications it has on the rest of my fellow man? If this is the case, then one is typically a happy (and usually financially downtrodden) person. If the answer is a 'kinda' or a resounding 'no', there is trouble. I'm so often sad for the society I live in and how selfish (I will talk more about this concept in another, later post) we have become. Now, there are two kinds of selfish - one is just to the degree of being concerned for one's own needs and providing that which is needed. The second is putting oneself before EVERYONE else, no matter the concern. They are very different levels. There is also, obviously, gray area, since there is in nearly every matter, ever.

I don't want you to think that I'm looking down my nose at anyone. I am also a culprit a good portion of the time. But I am to a point in my life where I may be extremely poor, but I thoroughly enjoy all of my jobs, and all the class I take at the University are only because they interest me completely. I am much more sated by having spent my time on endeavors that I personally enjoy, since it is MY life. Why would I want to give up my precious time to the corporate gods, when it could be used to bring happiness into other people's lives? If that's a byproduct of my job (which it is), I feel like I've made a difference, and that puts my soul at ease. And I enjoy being content. It's a state that many have thought and dreamt about, yet never achieved.

Hopefully you'll take some time to evaluate your life, and consider creating a happier place for yourself with the time you're given.


Time is a gift, and we should never waste it on anything we don't want or need to be doing.


"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." -James Dean
"Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive." -Elbert Hubbard

[photo credit: http://donmillereducation.com/journal/2010/12/22/wednesday-notes-money-is-time/time-is-money/]

I like films. I like them a lot. I like the stories they present, and how a director/actor decides to portray those stories, whether it be through aesthetics, audio, omission, or manipulation, humor or tragedy, stark truth or utter fabrication. The past decade (2000-2009, for those of you slow on the uptake) has been chock full of fantastic films. I was inspired to pick my Top 50, but before you glance through my list, I want you realize several things. First of all, the criteria for my choices. a) I have to have seen the film. I missed several reputedly great films in the past 10 years, and while they are on my ever-growing list of films to see before I die (I swear I really have one, there's a shortcut to it on my desktop), they were not considered for this list for obvious reasons, namely, I haven't seen them. Okay, on to b) emotional reaction. I had to have an emotional reaction to a film for it to be on this list. Whether that reaction was enjoyment, horror, empathy, glee, mind-boggledness, or dysphoria, has no effect on placement. Now, c) art. I consider films to be an obvious form of art, as I mentioned vaguely above. Art can be something as simple as witty banter, a tragic view of a world shot to hell, a convoluted and all too realistic 'love' story, all the way through the use of existential cinematography. Many different factors that all boil down to the creation of an artist(s), an expression of someone's self. So, here's my list, for what it's worth. My Top 50 of all time would likely be entirely different, but I am happy with this list. Finally, d) I couldn't decide how to number these, and so rather than waste MORE time, I am going to say, DISCLAIMER: THE NUMBERING OF THIS LIST IS COMPLETELY RANDOM AND DOES NOT REFLECT THE FACT THAT I LIKE ONE FILM OVER ANOTHER. If you'd REALLY like to know which of a couple/few films I prefer, please ask me. Otherwise, here you go:

1. Inglorious Basterds
2. I'm Not There
3. Up!
4. Avatar
5. Once
6. Children of Men
7. Finding Neverland
8. Punch-Drunk Love
9. Paris, je t'aime
10. The Ringer
11. I Heart Huckabees
12. Across the Universe
13. (500) Days of Summer
14. School of Rock
15. Night at the Museum
16. Juno
17. Finding Nemo
18. Star Trek
19. The Incredibles
20. Hairspray
21. Batman Begins
22. The Brothers Bloom
23. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
24. Memento
25. Public Enemies
26. The Dark Knight
27. Sweeney Todd
28. V for Vendetta
29. Pirate Radio
30. Love Actually
31. The Holiday
32. Moulin Rouge!
33. Rent
34. The Royal Tenebaums
35. Runaway Jury
36. The Pianist
37. High Fidelity
38. Mirrormask
39. Donnie Darko
40. Hot Fuzz
41. WALL-E
42. Watchmen
43. Big Fish
44. The Count of Monte Cristo
45. Up in the Air
46. Evening
47. The Prestige
48. The Emperor's New Groove
49. Elf
50. LOTR (all three, and yes, it is cheating...sorry about that)

Well....I am terrible at updating this. It's been an...interesting few months. I can see an end to the semester, and I will be very, very glad when it's over, though I am sad to leave my creative writing class. They were great people and it was a very conductive environment for creativity. I have three finals to go. Three finals I have not studied for, at all. So that's what I plan to do this weekend, besides work. Yes, I finally, FINALLY found a job. Two, actually, at the moment. I am helping out with the Christmas overload at Hale, which I am loving. It's such an enjoyable place to work. I love the atmosphere, co-workers, and the patrons. Everyone is so happy. I also am just starting a job at a place called RISE, Inc. as part of an after school program to support kids with disabilities. I am very happy to be a part of this, because a large part of the problem I have staying with a job is due to the fact that it's doing absolutely no lasting good in the world. I have high hopes to help better someone's life, and I know that they'll affect mine as well. So I am excited to embark on that journey. I am also excited for Christmas, though I have absolutely NO idea what I'll be giving people. I literally have $3 in my bank account, and several overdue bills. So, no money. Everyone is either getting something homemade or regifted. They'll have to deal. But I do intend to still choose their gifts carefully and with thought. Not being able to purchase a present makes it SO much harder, though. I am tempted to take my $3 and buy everyone 25 cent packs of gum. I probably won't though. Maybe. I recently started taking a new medication. I swear, it's a miracle pill. I am happy and energetic and cheerful, literally the polar opposite of what I've been for the past several months. The difference was noticeable within 24 hours. Truly a miracle and blessing in my life. One of the side effects is more REM sleep, so I sleep for less time, but more deeply. Which means that I am able to remember my dreams really, really well. That's something I have been wishing for for a LONG time. I was convinced that if I could just remember my dreams, I'd be a bestselling author by now. I used to wake up and say to myself, "that would make a fantastic story!" and then a minute or two later....*poof* go the specifics, and all I am left with is a general feeling. But now that I can remember them more vividly, I usually can recall two or three of them, and let me tell you, they are BIZARRE. Last week I literally had a dream about evil ostrich eggs wearing pink converse lace-up shoes and pink framed sunglasses. We had pickaxes to fight them off, and egg flew everywhere. There was also a strange paranoid schizophrenic man that for some reason had dragonfly wings. Other things happened as well, but those are the most strange from that night. So, what I'm trying to say is, now that I can remember my dreams I am fairly certain most of them won't end up on a shelf. Some, perhaps, but most I will just enjoy. Going to sleep is my favorite part of the day. I even set my alarm an hour early every day so I can revel in my dreams. I love it.

I can't do it. There are so many things I need to be doing at the moment (first and foremost studying for a midterm, which means catching up on a whole month of school in a couple days), and I am just not there. I don't want to. My brain is saying that it would rather sleep, would rather read (recreationally), would rather play with polymer clay. None of this packing my poor brain with loads of information thing. The fact that I am writing this attests to how difficult I am finding this to be. I have great intentions, but they aren't seeming to come to fruition. I also thought I should probably write here before September is officially over. I no longer have my job at the U of U hospital, which is sad, but acceptable. I've been keeping busy working at Hale, but that's over when October is, so I'll be in dire straights soon enough. This gloomy, rainy day (which, don't get me wrong, I normally LOVE) is really bumming me out. Life can really get you down sometimes, ya know?

I made a commitment to myself to blog at least once a month. And I've failed. Oh well, it's not like my blogging is for anyone's benefit but my own. I'm currently at work. Yes, 1am on a Friday night/Saturday morning (either or) and I'm at work. I'm okay working overnight, but I really dislike how I can't stay out with friends till all hours. Crap summer. HOWEVER, I did get called for a 2nd interview for a Pharmacy Tech position at the University of Utah Hospital inpatient pharmacy, so maybe I won't have to be at this hotel much longer! I am really hoping and praying for that job. My interview is next Tuesday, so we'll see how it goes!

*caffeine break*

Well, I turned 23 a few weeks ago. It made me feel old, and even worse since I don't have much to show for the years I've been out of High School. I mean, I'm still a Freshman in college, and I'm living with my parents again. Kind of depressing. What can I do but progress? So for my birthday Katie and I threw a weenie roast in her parent's backyard. It was a lovely night, excepting the rain, and about 20-25 people showed and we sat a chatted for about 7 hours. It was fabulously relaxing and I am so grateful to my friends for celebrating with me. I am also very pleased I was able to hit up Lake Powell with some friends a couple weeks back. I had a wonderful time enjoying nature and meeting new people. It was lovely.

My parents have been planning a cruise for their 25th anniversary for about a year now. The left last Sunday, and are coming back this Sunday. From what I have heard from them, they are having a wonderful time, and they absolutely deserve it. The fact that they are gone also means that I'm left with the caring for my brother and sister the whole week. It's been a really interesting experience, mostly owing to the fact that we haven't fought. AT ALL. This is very unusual. I am beginning to think that our parents are the cause of us fighting. It's kind of strange to think about.

Lately I've been spending several hours a day doing research for the novel I've been trying to write for the past couple years. I'm basically trying to shove the whole of history into my brain. I'm not sure how well it's working, but it's essential for the background of my book. I'm also trying to get familiar with genetic engineering and where it could be (plausibly) in 50-100 years, as well as brainwashing techniques. This idea hit me out of nowhere, and while the research is seemingly never-ending, I really think learning all this stuff will be a fabulous thing for me. I get more excited every time I think about it, even if it's just research. I'm not in school this summer, so I've dedicated most of my free time to research and getting through the Rosetta Stone Spanish program, since I failed my class last semester. Linguistics has given me a whole new perspective on languages, however, it isn't very practical. I think too objectively, so I understand the rules and the conjugation and all that, and I can read it fairly well, but I just can't seem to speak it coherently. It takes me about 3 steps to get to the word I need. So it's pretty frustrating for me, but I'm going to continue working on it, because learning a language (or several) is a major goal I have for my life. Unfortunately, if I get this job I'm interviewing for, I'll have much less time. I will, however, have the money I need to pay off debts (another major goal). So, we'll see how everything goes.

Gosh, I could go on for hours, since I actually have a couple left to kill, but I'll just talk a little bit about my book group. It is kind of struggling, but short of watching over the members, hawk-eyed, I can't do much to keep them interested other than nag them a bit and rave about each month's book. It's tough for people our age to actively participate in something like this, since we all have jobs and school and social lives (well, most of us). This month is Life of Pi, next month is Little Brother, and then August is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which (for some reason) I have a feeling will end up with a good turn-out. The group's website is here: http://notyourmommasbookgroup.blogspot.com/ if you know anyone interested in joining up!

I really do intend to write more, since in typing this I've realized how much I can miss in a couple months. I always have something to say (anyone who knows me can tell you that), it's just a matter of sitting down and typing it, and it takes something like forgetting headphones at work so I can't watch movies to make me. Alas, such is my life. Thanks for reading, if you got this far. Kudos to you.

I think I've mentioned before how much of an indecisive person I am. This is very difficult for me, as I often feel lost in the maze of pathways my life could potentially take. Problem with that, is I just stand there in that maze and I accomplish NOTHING. Let me make this a little more clear, at least in regard to one subject. My future. I have SO many things I would love to do with my life. The issue I have is that they all lay in very different directions. I know I need to pick a career that I can make some decent money in, because as of now, I'm not really planning on getting married for a very long time, if at all. Currently, I'm majoring in Linguistics, with a minor in Creative Writing and Anthropology. You can see right there that I can't decide. And I don't know how well I will fare monetarily with any of those. I've dreamed of owning my own business, of being a location scout, of being a make-up artist, of being a dolphin trainer, of being a journalist, of being a linguistic anthropologist, and several other vocations. It's pretty obvious that I get bored easily and have a short attention span. This runs in all aspects of my life. I do well with a guy for, oh, a month or so, and then lose interest. I do well in my new semester of classes, and then halfway through I lose interest. I start a new job, and lose interest. The only thing that I can clearly see myself doing is being a writer. It has been the only thing that I have continuously dreamed of, and that opens me up to doing something different all the time, which is exactly what I need. But you all know that many authors don't do very well. I don't say this because I want to sell books. I only want to make money from them to support my habit of writing. The thing that I want overall from my life is to be able to make a mark. To contribute something that could affect someone emotionally and philosophically. I want to leave something here that is solid, since life itself is so ephemeral. So I will write, as I always have. But as of this moment, I am working toward my BA in Linguistics. I still feel a little shaky about my future, since it seems like a big blank wall that I am headed straight toward, but I guess it's better to live in the now and actually be DOING something. I'm excited for my classes next semester, as one of them is a creative writing class, so my writing blog will be getting some new stuff. I hope you get the chance to read it sometime.

Many of you know that I adore books. If you don't, you do now. Honestly, I shouldn't really have time to read, considering all that is going on in my life, but I tend to bend and sacrifice to have time to read. I've decided to put up a thing on the side of this that says what I am currently reading, because I know you are SO interested, but I also wanted to talk about one of my favorite authors. Currently I am reading two of his books, and am so excited every time I pick one up. I keep trying to read slowly and savor them; I never want them to end. They are Neil Gaiman's "The Graveyard Book" and "Fragile Things".


First up - "The Graveyard Book". This is a collaboration of Neil Gaiman's literary genius and Dave McKean's stellar, amazing illustrations. If you've read any of the Sandman graphic novels, or have seen the movie "Mirrormask", you have had the privilege of seeing their work. This book is written for the younger generation, but is so wonderful that I think everyone should read it. It was recently recognised with a Newberry Medal, which, as you know, is the highest honor a children's book can receive. I am about halfway through, and the illustrations and characters are so rich and intriguing that I can't help but express how much I love it to all of you. I also want to mention the new movie "Coraline", which I absolutely loved. The original book was written by Neil Gaiman several years back, and it's quite good, as is the movie. I hope to high heaven that they make a movie of "The Graveyard Book". Here's the Amazon link to it (LINK), and you can click the picture on the right for a better view of the gorgeous cover.


Secondly - "Fragile Things". I haven't even started this book yet. I bought it right after Christmas, and have been waiting for the perfect time to read it. This book is a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman. Many of them have won awards. I have recently become a huge fan of short stories, thanks to Ray Bradbury (that is all for another blog, however). Today, I read the introduction to "Fragile Things", which is several pages long, and talks about each story/poem, and how they came to be in this compilation, and the author's opinion/view of the story and its origins. I can already tell it's going to be amazing, and have butterflies in my tummy just thinking about it. Ditto with Amazon (LINK) and larger picture.


Here's a list of my favorite authors/poets, in no particular order:

-Sharon Shinn
-Ray Bradbury
-Juliet Marillier
-Neil Gaiman
-Jennifer Fallon
-Gregory Maguire
-Walt Whitman
-Sara Douglass
-Billy Collins
-Patrick Rothfuss


Any if the books or poems these folks have written, I love, completely and absolutely. I highly recommend them. I also always have book recommendations, so let me know if you'd like some.

I haven't posted in a while, but as I sit here in the computer lab at school, I realize that I really do have some things to talk about. It's a new year, as you all know (if you don't, you should get your medication checked), and the new year brings new things for all of us. First and foremost for me is a new semester. I haven't gone to school actively in quite a while, and I'm really not a fan of school, but lately it's hit me that I REALLY need to get back into it and get a start into the rest of my life. Open some doors for myself. So, here I am. This semester I'm taking Spanish 1010, which I'm enthused about (not because of the class, but more because I've been wanting to learn a language for a LONG time), Writing 2010, which I really don't like much because it's too general, Film 2200, which I'm finding very interesting (and it's only once a week!) and Linguistics somethingorother, which I absolutely love! I am seriously thinking about doing a double major because I love it so much. I've been thinking about getting into the field of Linguistic Anthropology. It incorporates so many of the things I love so much, so I can't really go wrong there! So school is something new. I've also been out of a job for a while, which has been really frustrating for many reasons. Well, with the new year, I've been afforded several new, lovely opportunities. I have a data entry position at the Post Office, but as soon as I got that job I was called to interview for a job at The Huntsman Cancer Institute as an infusion pharmacy tech, which basically means making chemotherapy ivs every day. I am very interested in getting that position, and interviewed for it yesterday. It's such an amazing place and I really hope I get the opportunity to participate in the differences they make in people's lives. On a less positive note, my laptop decided to go ballistic on me, just a few days before school started. It's pretty frustrating, because I can't figure out what the heck is going on. I'll also likely lose a lot of files that I'd REALLY like to keep, and foremost among those is an excel spreadsheet I have been keeping for the last 2 years of all the books I've read. It's pretty important to me. Super lame, but true! So if you are expert at recovering files, talk to me! Please! Let's see...what else is new? Oh, I moved back home a couple of months ago, mostly so I could actually afford to go back to school. It's been an interesting experience so far, and it's a little difficult since I've lived alone for the past year and a half, and then all of a sudden am living with 4 other people. I'm not a fan of chaos, but it's what I'm living at the moment. Hmm...I can't think of much else, but I thought I'd update on my life a little, for those of you that actually care! Thanks for reading!